I hope that I'm not starting something bad here. I created this category, because I have a joke that I think is pretty funny and is not so much off-color or dirty, but it IS a little on the gross side.
I hope that things will stay fairly clean even in this section. I did label the thread appropriately so those who don't want to be grossed out can skip it.
If the website moderator decides that this section is not appropriate for this website, then I understand and you have my apologies.
I hope that things will stay fairly clean even in this section. I did label the thread appropriately so those who don't want to be grossed out can skip it.
If the website moderator decides that this section is not appropriate for this website, then I understand and you have my apologies.
A man goes fishing on a pier one Friday down in Florida. Florida's pretty crowded during the tourist season, and a spot on the pier can be pretty difficult to come by. The man finds someone willing to make room for him and they fish all day without saying much.
Saturday he goes out again and the second man waves to him, and they fish together all day again. On Sunday, the second man has saved the guy a spot and they fish all day again. As they're pulling in to get ready to go, the first guy invites the second guy to a local pub for a drink to say "thanks."
They get there, and go over the basics, where they're from, etc. Turns out the second guy is on his honeymoon. The first guy asks him, "You've been out fishing all day this whole weekend on your honeymoon--your wife must be something special to put up with that. I hope you gave her some good lovin' in beforehand to kind of make that up to her."
"I can't do that," the second guy replies, "she's got gonorrhea."
"OH!" The first guy says somewhat at a loss. "Well then, I hope you at least held her for a while before you came out fishing."
"I can't do that either. She's got bad diarrhea."
"OH," the first guy exclaims. "Well, um, I hope you at least gave her a big kiss before coming out."
"Nope, can't do that either; she's got pyorrhea."
"OH! Goodness, well, um," the first man fumbles around. " . . . Gonorrhea, diarrhea, pyorrhea . . . say, if you don't mind me asking, why'd you marry this girl???"
The second guy answers, "Well--she's got worms, too, and YOU KNOW HOW I LOVE TO FISH!!!"
Saturday he goes out again and the second man waves to him, and they fish together all day again. On Sunday, the second man has saved the guy a spot and they fish all day again. As they're pulling in to get ready to go, the first guy invites the second guy to a local pub for a drink to say "thanks."
They get there, and go over the basics, where they're from, etc. Turns out the second guy is on his honeymoon. The first guy asks him, "You've been out fishing all day this whole weekend on your honeymoon--your wife must be something special to put up with that. I hope you gave her some good lovin' in beforehand to kind of make that up to her."
"I can't do that," the second guy replies, "she's got gonorrhea."
"OH!" The first guy says somewhat at a loss. "Well then, I hope you at least held her for a while before you came out fishing."
"I can't do that either. She's got bad diarrhea."
"OH," the first guy exclaims. "Well, um, I hope you at least gave her a big kiss before coming out."
"Nope, can't do that either; she's got pyorrhea."
"OH! Goodness, well, um," the first man fumbles around. " . . . Gonorrhea, diarrhea, pyorrhea . . . say, if you don't mind me asking, why'd you marry this girl???"
The second guy answers, "Well--she's got worms, too, and YOU KNOW HOW I LOVE TO FISH!!!"
A young man applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there.
The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?" Yes, sir, I was the best salesman in Beecher County!" said the lad.
The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up." The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss shows up and asks, "How many sales did you make today?"
"One," said the young salesman.
"Only one?" blurted the boss, "most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"
"Three hundred thousand dollars," said the young man.
"How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.
"Well," said the salesman "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-eight foot Cobia with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser."
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"
"No, sir," answered the salesman "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, 'Well, buddy--your weekend's shot--you may as well go fishing!"
The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?" Yes, sir, I was the best salesman in Beecher County!" said the lad.
The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up." The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss shows up and asks, "How many sales did you make today?"
"One," said the young salesman.
"Only one?" blurted the boss, "most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"
"Three hundred thousand dollars," said the young man.
"How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.
"Well," said the salesman "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-eight foot Cobia with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser."
The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"
"No, sir," answered the salesman "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, 'Well, buddy--your weekend's shot--you may as well go fishing!"
Billy Bob and Jethro decide to go ice fishing. After arriving at the lake early in the morning, they cut two holes in the lake and drop their lines in the water. After fishing for a few hours, Billy Bob has caught dozens of fish while Jethro hasn't even gotten a bite.
Jethro asks, "Billy Bob, what's your secret?"
Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm."
Jethro asks, "What did you say?"
Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm."
Jethro again asks, "What?"
Billy Bob spits into his hand and says, "You gotta keep the worms warm!"
(Talk about standing around with "baited" breath! --Hammer)
Jethro asks, "Billy Bob, what's your secret?"
Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm."
Jethro asks, "What did you say?"
Billy Bob answers, "Mmu motta meep da mmrms mmrm."
Jethro again asks, "What?"
Billy Bob spits into his hand and says, "You gotta keep the worms warm!"
(Talk about standing around with "baited" breath! --Hammer)
A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel as a gift. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register.
There is a Wal-Mart "associate" standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."
She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00".
She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter? I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it." He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman breaks wind big-time.
At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her--being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."
She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?"
He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, but the duck call is $3.00, and the stinkbait is $2.50!"
There is a Wal-Mart "associate" standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."
She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00".
She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter? I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it." He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman breaks wind big-time.
At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her--being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."
She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?"
He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, but the duck call is $3.00, and the stinkbait is $2.50!"